Hi Momarend, I wish you were in cape town. I am also 30 and feeling exactly the same. All my close friends are so busy with their lives, I have hardly seen them. I am also the first to have a baby and feeling a bit isolated and lonely.
Shoo you making it sound like its the end of your social lives, having children. You adapt! You find friends, sometimes via antenatal classes or once you children are school going age (even if it is at 4months)...
Please go read up on the Trying to Conceive thread and be grateful that you are able to fall pregnant, albeit earlier than your friends!
I am sorry for the rant but you ladies need to put it all into persepctive.
Married: September 2009 - 5 glorious years with my best friend!
First Darling Daughter: July 2010
Second Darling Daughter: January 2013
I think you're misunderstanding our plight a little. I can't speak for everyone else, but believe me when I say that I have read the TTC forums, as that's what was staring my DH and I in the face according to the doctors. So we are INCREDIBLY grateful that things happened naturally, it's really a little miracle baby we're having. It did, however, happen a good 4 years before we were planning to even start TTC, as we literally just got married, already at a very early age (I'm 23, DH 28), and so drinking with our old friends in smoky bars isn't exactly something I can take part of now.
I know once little one goes to school I'll meet many new mommies, but suddenly being cut-off from your old friends can make you feel a little bit lonely in the process, and making new friends can be a bit daunting to some (especially if you're not sure where to start looking). So believe me when I say I'm not complaining about the fact that I'm pregnant one bit, and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but I do feel somewhat lonely, and I'm glad we're talking about our feelings on this forum, as it's opened up a lot of people to meet up, which I think is really great.
I wouldn't complain about my ligament pains or nausea or back pain for one second, because my baby growing inside me is more than worth it, but I do think pregnant women shouldn't be judged for talking about feeling isolated. Especially with a first pregnancy everything is new and scary, and I wholeheartedly believe that having support from women going through the same thing (with all the hormones and ups and downs) is so important, as it can feel like nobody else understands the changes you are going through not only physically, but mentally too.
I get what you are saying, I think it's ok to feel a bit worried about isolation. I think your friends probably just don't know how to respond to you, because this baby-business is obviously a new thing in your circle of friends. Don't be afraid to talk about your pregnancy with your friends, it's ok to get excited and talk baby-stuff with them. Otherwise, they might think you are being the weird one who doesn't want to interact "now that you're pregnant".
Don't worry too much about your social life after the baby is there, your real friends will stick with you, even if you now have to meet up for lunches instead of dinners.
And as for smokey bars, I can guarantee you that once this baby arrives you would much rather be in bed at 9pm than in a club
You are about to become a family, and you married your best friend, right? You have all the companionship you need, don't worry. You will be fine and you will be an awesome mommy.
I agree I do talk to some of my friends about baby business, but it is tricky seeing them. And yes, I've actually been very much over the party scene for the past 2 years anyway so that's not an issue for me
As for my social life, I don't need much, as indeed I did marry my best friend and he is truly the best companion I could ever ask for, but I would be lying if I said that I haven't been longing for just one or two couple friends who are on the same page as DH and myself, just for that once in 2 weeks/month dinner type of thing, as our current friends do find it very difficult to relate to us at this stage. So that's why I'm so keen to meet up with other mommies-to-be.
I may have taken Antz08's post a bit personally, but I am just a little bit tired of the attitude many people have that pregnant women should just shut-up and be happy. I agree that bearing with the physical side of pregnancy isn't something to complain about, as your body is doing something so miraculous, but reaching out for support from women in the same space shouldn't be regarded as a bad thing at all. It's exciting and terrifying having your first baby and it's difficult to explain to someone who isn't there with you!
I was reading through the posts and I felt quite weird, thinking that I was dancing on Saturday night, being 17 weeks pregnant (and yes quite big by now) and having fun soberly. The nice thing is that even though a lot of people there (being a big function) did not have kids yet or are not even close to getting married, was so supportive and kept on "looking" after me.
What I want to say today is, as Swartkat mentioned, go out and live your lives. go to the social stuff, but if you feel tired or not up to it anymore, greet everyone and leave. At least they understand that you are preggies and im sure hubby will know its in the best interest of baby that you want some rest. I try to balance our social life. if we have to be somewhere early the next morning, we will either just pop in the night before or not attend. But I do also understand that hubby wants to have a braai and kuier with his brother or with our friends, so then we will go. But not every weekend Friday and Sat.
I also got married last year and 4 months after find out we were having twins, even more to worry about if you think about it. But once you see those 2 little miracles growing, you just realised how blessed you are and that everything happens for a reason. Im 28 as well. you grow up with your kids. Unfortunately we lost the twins and are pregnant again and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. (being pregnant so soon I mean). Missing the girls terribly still.
So for the ladies that feels isolated, I know what you mean, you do get those days when you feel a bit envious of the people eating sushi or doing something you cant, but in the end you have something so amazing that nothing of that matters anymore.
And you will soon see, once baby is there, a lot of your friends will become "broeis" lol.
Joans , wow, het ek nie soos jy gister gevoel nie. I was in total mess emotionally and just wanted to cry and burst out in tears. Its hormones and some people think you are just overreacting or being more sensitive now that you are pregnant, well DUH you are more sensitive, its the way our bodies work.
I was also never on the party scene, but I must say, I do however sometimes feel like just letting go and be "wild" as I love dancing. So that is prob the part I miss the most. But don't get me wrong, im not saying I would rather dance the night away than being pregnant, because that is also just one night against so much of having a little baby to love and cuddle. Sat night was a quick jive on the dance floor and I was exhausted
And I most def think that you should get support, not only from your friends and family, but other mommies to be in the same situation. That's why we are here, to support each other in the best way possible.
Joans, once you move to S-West, we can most def meet up and have some play dates. We also have a group of friends who is most def perhaps 5 to more years away of kids and still on the High-school party scene. But I adore them just the way they are and they respect our decision and change in lifestyle.