Stillbirth is normally a taboo to talk about it and losing my child in Feb,gave me a wake up call.I have since learned that stillbirth can be prevented in so many ways.I was 31 weeks 6days when I lost my precious baby girl,I had dreams and plans for this child and my dreams were shattered when the dr didn't find a heartbeat.It was a nightmare,I didn't want to wake up from but now after 4 months I have accepted that she is out of my sight yet she will forever live in my heart,she will always be my child even if people might as well not talk about her but I remember and diarising everything about my precious Nkazi.
My pregnancy was normal with no complications,one wednesday I had a gaestro and went to see a dr the following day.Whilst on the U\S I noticed that my baby was weighing 2 weeks behind and the dr said I shouldn't worry as I was healthy and the baby's heart was strong and sent me home to come back after two weeks.I went back then I found that my baby was no more.I was induced into labour and labour lasted only 6 hours and my angel was born,perfect in every way yet without life.
I wanted to blame the dr for not reffering me to the gynae as he is a GP and and; and; but honestly I blame no one cause that won't bring back my baby.Everyday I miss her,everyday I wish it was not her,everyday I wish I can just have her back.I am a mother who is just yearning for her dead child.
Nkazimulo my angel mommy misses you.
First daughter born on 30/06/2008,my joy and pride.
2nd daughter went to heaven to be crowned with angelic wings on 10/02/11,my hope and my strength.
Miss Kay I'm so sorry for your loss. Any of us who have been through pregnancy will totally understand your feeling that Nkazi will forever be your child. Her loss is no less painful than if she had died sometime after a full term birth. For most people a child only really exists after it is born, but for a mother her child exists and is loved and cherished from the moment we know we're pregnant.
Love, strength and peace to you in your mourning and on your healing journey.
I saw these words this morning, per chance, and it reminded me of your post .....so forgive me for cutting and pasting it here, but I felt it conveyed a sentiment that I often feel and never know how to translate in to words ......
Mourning can go on for years and years.
It doesn't end after a year, that's a false fantasy.
It usually ends when people realize that they can live again,
that they can concentrate their energies on their lives as a whole,
and not on their hurt, and guilt and pain. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross