Hi. I'm a first time mother in my mod 30s. My little one is 2 months old. I'm dreading going to work because I need to decide where she's going to stay. Both grandmother's are at home. But I feel much more comfortable with my own mother looking after her. I know paternal grandmother needs to spend time with her as well but I don't feel very comfortable with it. It's difficult to explain but something feels off with other gran. She won't hurt her but Im concerned about her intentions. It feels as if she wants to be the primary role. It makes it difficult cause she doesn't make her actions obvious it's that underlying sneaky actions. Examples are that she would just take her from me something that I've asked hubby to address which he did but she continues to do so. When she cries because she's hungry or tired she would still hold her and ask what is wrong when I've clearly said that she's hungry or tired. I don't like baby sleeping on her chest but she continues to do so. When she visits and baby sleeps on occasion she tries to wake her up and if baby sleeps she drinks alcohol. This happened on one occasion. She asks me numerous times when am I going back to work and constantly tries to get me to leave baby alone with her. I don't feel comfortable. During the course of my pregnancy I heard her saying several times she's excited (first grandchild) and my husband and I should just have another one and give my daughter to her. Maybe I'm sensitive and it's a joke but I don't feel that it is. Besides the above I don't think she will follow the routine that I have with my daughter she will agree to it but won't action it. She will sit with my daughter in her arms the whole day whether awake or sleep. I'm also concerned about our safety if I have to pick my daughter up after work due to the area that she stays. I'm not sure that she will be able to deal with a crisis immediately if it is to happen. Prior baby we got along but something just feels off with her when it comes to baby. Am I clingy
Personally I don't think you are clingy, as new mommies we all have that fear. And when your instinct tells you something then you should listen. First off all, I would not feel comfortable leaving my child with someone who will drink alcohol when looking after the child. That can be done when and If my child is home safe at home with me. Routine is very important to a child. My biggest concern is when people ignore my wishes and instructions, I mean it is my child and not theirs. You gave birth to the child and not the MIL. I had the same situation where my MIL made reference to my son as her son. It did not sit well with me, she also wanted to stay with us after our son was born and I did not want that as I am very independent.
I also think that because it is the first grandchild that they feel that they should be more hands on. Also that it is their right to spoil them. We do not see my MIL often, but when we do see her then I try to stay out of the picture because my son only wants me and she does not like that.
I hope that you got it sorted and that you are happy with your decision. Things change when you have kids, people change, relationships change.
Good luck and just stay strong and grounded to your decisions.