file I cant decide if I should move back to Durban

4 years 8 months ago #263575 by bandile
Hi all,

For a long time now, I have been wanting to move out of joburg. To move back home, which is Durban. Things have been really tough for me, especially emotionally and feeling stuck, suffocating and just all alone. I do have 2 of my sisters living here in Joburg, but we really dont see each other, they are just busy with their own lives. So lately I have been thinking maybe its time I moved back home. but there is just fear within me, the change, will ma girls be happy there, schooling, getting my own place(cos I wont be staying at home) finding a good paying job. for the past 3 months I have been sending out my cv to potential employers and agencies, and have had a good response, but salary has been a huge issue. I do realise Joburg and Durban salaries have huge gaps between them. but still I dont think I can take such a salary cut.

I just cant seem to decide if its really what I want to do or if im just going through a passing phase, being homesick and all the pressures Im feeling at this point of my life.

has anyone felt this way.

:)

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4 years 8 months ago #263583 by Zaza2011
Hi Bandile

I was in a similar situation 2 years ago when we were deciding to leave JHB and move to DBN or not, it's a very difficult decision, cause you get used to JHB lifestyle and culture and in DBN it is completely different and takes a lot of getting used to.

Make a list of the pro's and con's:

- Finance always must be first - can you afford this move, yes DBN salaries are lower but the cost of living is not a cheap as people suggest it is, where will you and your family stay, will it cost you more or less,
- if you take a salary cut, and consider where you stay, will you have your own transport, are the crèches and schools nearby or will you have a support structure (family and friends) to help you here
- you said you feel lonely in JHB, make sure if you moving back to DBN you are not in the same boat, you must have emotional support here as well.

I was born in DBN, left home at 17 moved to Grahamstown, then started working in PTA, then moved to JHB for work, spent 10 years of my career development and life in JHB had cousins and aunts there's, and I loved it, met my hubby there, lived a good part of our marriage there and had our first baby there, I was a JHB girl through and through, yet twice a year without fail I made the trek to DBN to see my family (my mum, my sister and brother, and their extensions) and as my mum aged and because of how close I am to her, as I got older the more and more longed to move back to be with her and let my child grow up with her.

We got an opportunity in 2014 where my husband got a transfer for a better package, but I had nothing so I left work and my big JHB salary to spend a few months at home, in DBN wondering whether this was the right move or not, cause I am so independent. I eventually got back into the corporate world not nearly as much as what I was paid in JHB but it was something, but what I loved about the move and only realised it a few months later:

- you can make a life anywhere as long as you are surrounded by the people you love and the ones that love you back
- yes finance will always be a deciding factor, but we make things work here
- I def do not work late hours or as hard as I did in JHB
- there is no traffic problems in DBN
- my social life here for me and my child has exploded cause there is a lot more free natural resources to experience than the malls in JHB
- I have more free time here and not under pressure as much
- most importantly I am with my mum and she with my daughter and they have such a blessed relationship
- having my mum and sis and bro around also has improved my support structure, little things that I forgot

There are times when I think about JHB but after finding my routine here and rediscovering a lot of myself here and why I always wanted to be back, I don't think we would go back to JHB unless some really pressing reason. My second pregnancy has been awesome with my family all around me supporting me all the way.

It's a hard decision to make if you the bread winner but pray, if this is meant to happen, god will give you guidance, only he knows what your heart desires and why, look at your pro's and con's and ask his advice.

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4 years 8 months ago #263589 by bandile
Hi Zaza,

I cried reading your post, you have just made me realise how stressed I am and you have just nailed it with all the points to consider. I feel the same about johannesburg, I love it here, I have build a life for myself here before I had my 2 girls, and with them. I have worked so hard to be in my current state with my career, I have bought a house for me and my gilrs to call home. but am still not happy. I have been to joburg for 10 yrs now and it feels like its all I know and moving back to Durban will be a huge adjustment especially for the girls.

thank you so much for the advise and i will definately seek Gods guidance. I want to be sure when I do take the final decision and it must be in good time that i can still get schools for my girls. the old one is in grade 1 and small one at cresh in grade RR/00.

One of the Pros is I do have support back home. lot of my friends and family are there and some of my friends that were here in joburg have moved back home and some back to their home in cape town, so I really do feel alone.

I do have a lot to consider, but now that you have showed me its possible, I feel better and lot less stressed. Thank you again.

:)

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