I'm new to the forum. I actually registered about 5 weeks back already and haven't posted anything else yet.
The reason for that is actually part of my new post/question. When should I become concerned that I might be depressed and/or will this blow over?
As per my introduction, I had a miscarraige in June at about 5 weeks. After that, I could not wait to become pregnant again.
This what seemed like FINALLY happened again in October. I'm currently 9 weeks, going for my first scan next Tuesday.
At first I was very excited. Until week 6 when I started morning sickness and nausea etc. I'm not a "softy" and I never EVER get sick. Haven't had a cold or flu within the last 15 years. I even felt that the Dutches who was suffering from Hyperemesis was just overly "sensitive" and that it can't be that bad. But this MS just felt like it broke me down physically and emotionally. Between weeks 6 and 8 I barely ate as much as a piece of toast in total. I couldn't keep anything down. Got some prescribed medication - which didn't seem to help.
Since this past weekend however I have been feeling quite a lot better. Maybe the hormones are settling a bit.
I'm struggling to become excited "again" about having the baby. I don't even have any excitement for the first scan. I actually can't bare reading anything to do with babies/pregnancy. As if I'm going to be nauseous again. Thus, I haven't been on the forum really.
Actually, I don't feel excited about anything at the moment. Not even for the concert this coming Friday - that I've been waiting to see for years.
It feels like all life has been sucked out of me. As if I'm blaming this little embryo for the way I've been feeling (I'm REALLY sorry, I know a lot of couples want kids and are struggling to conceive and here I'm going on about stuff every other pregnant woman goes through - and me - I just can't seem to handle it)
My question is, will this "depressing feeling" past? I'm only 9 weeks now - still a long way to go. Don't get me wrong. I do want this baby, I'm just not overly excited about ANYTHING at this point. I am feeling ALOT better physically than two weeks back and my hubby has been very supportive and he can't wait for the scan. I just don't share his excitement. I'm afraid of post natal depression. I use to think harsh things about new mommies not being that perfect new mommy I have had in mind, obviously suffering from Post Natal depression. PS: I will read up on the sections about Post natal depression.
I guess I'm hoping to get positive feedback from people like me to say that this too shall pass - once I see that heartbeat next week, all will be ok again.
Once again, apologies for the long post complaining from beginning to end, but I believe that this is what this forum is about. Sharing experiences - good and bad - and support. I'm not trying to be offensive to anyone and I'm sorry if what I said have been.
Should I just suck it up and get back to reality?
There's no such thing as "long post complaining". That's what Moomie is for. You can namelessly, anonymously or face-lessly ask anything you want! I don't have personal experience from what you have told us but I am sure there's many girls on here who does.
All I can say from my side, is that the first trimester can be rough on your emotions and your body. It can make you emotional - overly so! - , tired, feel sick etc. Once you start to see your baby's heartbeat, or feel your baby kick, you might start becoming excited. I think as soon as the pregnancy becomes more "real", it becomes more exciting.
My first scan is on the 26th of November, next Tuesday. I was deciding between an 8 and a 10 week scan as I wanted to be sure about a heartbeat and maybe hear it and not just see it. Also wanted my husband to see a bit more than a "blob" at our first scan - even though it might still look that way next week
I probably should've gone for a 6 week scan - because of my MC history, and maybe that would've changed the way I'm feeling now - since besides the MS it hasn't been feeling "real" , but I wanted to make our first scan "worthwile" if that makes sense.
Welcome to Moomie! (you have come to the right place BTW...)
Your post could have been my own about 5 years ago! With the minor difference that I had an ectopic pregnancy instead of a miscarriage. I became pregnant a couple of months after that and the morning sickness started at 6 weeks. I had it really, really, rough - same as your situation...Couple of times to the ER for a drip. Couldn't keep anything down for months. Luckily it eased around 16 weeks and from there on things became "brighter". In the time when I was sick I often wished that I wasn't pregnant anymore...I couldn't admit it to anyone, but it is really what i felt, it was just too much for me. The morning sickness was so bad that it took me a while to decide to start trying for baby no2. It wasn't the sleep deprivation that made me think twice, but the MS!! None of my friends had it as bad as I and I could sense that people thought that I was a drama queen...
My mood lifted when I started to eat normally again (16 weeks). If your mood doesn't lift, I would mention this to your doctor as your doctor could prescribe a suitable anti-depressant if needed. But keep in mind that it is also said to be normal to have feelings of not wanting the pregnancy at times (hormones can cause strange feelings), but if it becomes a constant feeling I would suggest you get help (therapist/Psychiatrist) because if these feelings become constant they could hamper the bonding between mother and child.
I did suffer mild PND after baby was born and being a highly strung person made it difficult for me to adjust to being a mother. But...it became easier for me as time went by and now I can seriously not imagine my life without my little girl. She is such a gift and I enjoy her immensely! I have learned so, so much about life and myself and my partner in the past 4,5 years and would not change a thing!
Be kind and patient to yourself, but if your mood doesn't improve, please mention this to your doctor.
Please keep us updated, would love to hear from you again! xx
Hi There, this is going to be a long one to, but bare with me, it's just because I want you to understand that depression needs attention.
I always feel for other people when they admit that they could have depression. I also had depression for 2 years after my son was born, but was to stubborn to admit it, until one day one of my old school friends that had had the same experiences and had the necessary help, took one look at me, and told me, I have depression and need to get help quickly.
I was first stunned, but after what she explained, all fell into place. Depression is a emotion that develops over time, stress, anxiety are all part of forming depression, making you feel sad one moment, then happy, and more than often you basically don't feel up to life, but you have to go on. You don't want to go out to friends or with friends, even family time annoys you, because you'd much rather sleep and do what you want to do. Sound stupid, I know, but it is true.
I went to the doctor, thinking what the hell am I doing, I am stronger than this. But in the end, when I sat in front of the doctor and told him, ' I think I might have depression, he took one look, asked one or two questions, and confirmed, that I do indeed suffer. I was stunned at his answer, take note, one that suffers depression is very self observed. But you never admit it. He prescribed the necessary meds and I started to take them. After day 3 on the meds, I was like a new person, smiling, basically my old self again. Every one noticed and told me their glad to have me back. When looking back now, I wish someone advised me earlier to go for help. Help does not always mean that you need to go see a loony person, but sometimes the right meds can do wonders.
To this day I am a much stronger person and learned a lot out of my depression.
Long short, go to the doctor and tell them that you think you might have depression and require help.
And don't forget to speak to your friends, family, hubby and tell them what you are experiencing, it helps when other people know.
By the by, my boy is 4 years old now. Keep strong.
Gloeiwurmpie, yes, I too feel that people think I'm being a drama queen - and I despize drama queens, their so DRAMATIC
I feel a bit better now about the fact that I'm not the only one that thinks they would rather not be pregnant anymore - though I wouldn't admit it to anyone personally
I was hoping for my mood to lift at 12 weeks, honestly the thought of another 8 weeks (or perhaps as my sister put it - the whole of her 2nd pregnancy she had MS) seems unbearable.
Blompotjie, thanks too for the advise. I will take it up with doc next week, although hopefully the scan would've done its magic. I will also "monitor" myself. Maybe give myself another 2-3 weeks. At least I'm physically feeling a bit better now, so maybe all will be well soon, but will go to doc if nothing changes. I too have a strong personality. My boss calls me a hoë D. The fact that I haven't had enough energy to even make sandwiches or a proper meal for hubby, actually drove me to tears as I'm used to being in control all the time. As mentioned, hubby has been really supportive, but it doesn't make me feel any better.
I will keep you all updated and maybe post a scan pic later next week.